gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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