I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
