Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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