I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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