listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
