20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
