I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
