It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
