I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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