Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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