Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
