Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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