I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
