you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this boner is exhausting
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
