so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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