i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
