dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
