You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
