So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
