an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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