im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
