i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
