I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
