Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
