weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
