something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
