And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
