He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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