Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
