i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
