fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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