i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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