I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
