Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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