i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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