Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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