Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
