i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
