sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
