i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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