There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
