Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
