peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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