Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
