was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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