I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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