We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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