can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
