just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
