her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
