Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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