really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
