What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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