your parents love me but you hate me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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