you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
