You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
