That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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