what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
