The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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