Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
