I'll bet she douches with gravy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
