This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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