Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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