i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
