just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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