i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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