is your mom at the bar?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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