he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
