Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
