I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
