We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
