Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
