I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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