I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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