Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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