There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
