I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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