Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
